Until now, our perception of the occurrence of green in relation to banks has inevitably led us to the conclusion that the subject was greenbacks. Now, we learn, to our watchful pleasure, that another sort of green can mollify our usual love-hate relationship with major and minor financial institutions toward the more tranquil sentiment.

As we listen to the two principal culprits of Al-Qaeda attempt to motivate the unsuspecting to become suicidal dupes of its ideology, we cannot help but hear that their furious rhetoric is grievously flawed. We decided we might save some lives by bringing to bear on their promise of Paradise via murder the most frightening prospect a furiously brandished lie can confront: logic. Let?s begin by reviewing the fundamental values on which their provocative illogic is based: 1. There is only one true God 2. God is great 3. The way to please God is to kill people who don?t believe in Him exactly the way we do. Well, well, let?s have a look-see.

Don't you just hate people who talk on their cell phones while they drive? Blindly babbling away, not paying attention to the road, endangering everyone nearby ? so inconsiderate. Anyway, today while I was chatting on the phone and driving to the dentist ?

Recent exploration of sediment deep beneath the Artic Ocean has led geologists to estimate that approximately 1/4 of the world?s untapped oil and gas reserves are located there. After evaluating the impact of the news, the U. S. may seek membership in OPEC. President Bush, smiling and joking with King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia at a press briefing in Nome, Alaska, stated, ?Since it looks like we?ve got about as much oil off Alaska as our good friend the King here has in the ...

As the FBI, operating on a tip from a prisoner who reported witnessing suspicious activity on the night of Jimmy Hoffa?s disappearance, continued to search for the former teamster leader, he was somehow still able to evade capture. Although Mr. Hoffa disappeared over fifty years ago, no sign of him or his remains have been detected, despite numerous tips of either?s possible whereabouts. Given the run-ins the teamster boss had with the FBI during the period when he was definitely alive, some observes say it is no wonder he refuses to be located.

Here is a humorous look at soap operas 36 years ago. See how closely they mirror today's offerings. This will also show an author how NOT to run sentences on.

Microsoft announced today that its new Vista operating system would support only products made by Microsoft. CEO Steven Ballmer, known to insiders from competing companies as The Embalmer, noted, ?Since Vista is a Microsoft product, what reason on earth is there to support products made by other companies? If they want people to use their programs, they?re free to create their own desktop operating systems.?

?How did it happen," the intern asked, "a tramautic emotional event, a knock on the head?? ?No, no, nothing like that,? the businessman replied, taking out his PDA. ?You see, I keep everything in my electronic organizer. At first, it was a convenience. Then, over time, I became dependent on it. My own memory withered from disuse. Finally, I couldn't remember anything without it. Then today, it happened.?

Why are stand up comediennes the most popular performer at special occasions.

?This place is amazing,? Todd told Lila, the topless dancer who had just charged him for touching her hand. ?Is there anything you don?t charge for?? ?Not very many,? she joked. ?How?d it get that way?? he wanted to know. ?It was started by a dancer who saved up and got her CPA.?